


where there is hope, there is always hardship

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Bullying, Character Study, Fights, Friendship, Gen, No Beta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29810328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: "Nobody will ever give a shit about you if you don't show you care," Jun tells him, and Jaewon nearly laughs, because nobody will ever care if he shows his love through violence, either.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Junsu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	where there is hope, there is always hardship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wildforwyld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforwyld/gifts).



The truth is-

the truth is this: Wyld and Jaewon are not quite as separate as Jaewon likes to think. 

The truth is this: Wyld is the vestiges of the thick outer shell he built for himself, melted down and reformed into something thinner and more stylish and _so, so sharp_. Wyld is the vestiges of who he was - that scared little kid from Daegu - melted and twisted into something to _harm_ , and he _hates it_.

Anger causes pain, and so he hides it away.

Anger causes pain, and the sharp barbs attached to Wyld stick to his fingers and draw pinpricks of blood, but at least the pain is directed _in_ rather than _out_ , the anger kept deep deep down where nobody will ever, _ever_ see it.

Because anger hurts people.

Anger hurts people, and Jaewon's anger _has_ hurt people, and so he keeps it bottled up deep inside, deep deep down where nobody can reach or see and so it _festers_.

But he keeps up the mask, and so nobody will ever, ever find out.

And it's _easy_. It's _easy_ when he's around perfect people like Dongho and Minsoo and Daehyun - people who can get angry or are more beautiful for being able to go without it. Their anger is justified, he knows, and people still care even if they do get upset.

Not Jaewon, though.

His likeability has always hinged on _stay sweet calm kind gentle_ and so he keeps every harsh word locked behind his teeth, darkness _festering_ at his core, but it doesn't matter, because as long as he's _sweet calm kind gentle_ Jaewon people will love him.

Right?

Right.

That's how it works, after all. Nobody will ever care about you if you ever get angry, especially not if that's their first impression, so for someone who's never progressed past first impressions, Jaewon _cannot_ be angry.

Nobody likes people who get angry, after all.

* * *

It's odd meeting a person who gives _so few fucks_ about first impressions.

Jun cares little about first impressions and cares about others' thoughts even less, and it's this he tells Jaewon when he's flicking the ashes of his cigarette onto the booze-stained pavement - _"nobody will ever give a shit about you if you don't show you care."_

Jaewon doesn't understand what he means, really.

He _does_ care. He _does_ care, even if it only shows himself through him being _sweet calm kind gentle_ , and though Jun shows his emotions through fire-burst moments of emotion, that doesn't mean that's the only way to do it.

Surely.

Jun snorts a bit, calls him a coward, and Jaewon bites his lower lip, banishing the haunting sounds of cracking bone and horrible screams from his mind. 

He should be better than this. 

He _should_ be, but keeping up the _sweet calm kind gentle_ exterior is _so so hard_ when the spikes of _Wyld_ keep piercing his skin, and Jun's tilting his head, asking if he's even capable of feeling anger.

 _"More than you know,"_ Jaewon nearly screams, _"more than you'll ever know, I broke someone's nose and kicked them while they were down and they screamed but I was so so angry that I kept going-"_

He simply laughs in reply.

Jun quirks a brow, folds his arms over his test, and Jaewon somehow feels like this is a test he failed. 

There were a lot of those, back in high school. Missed cues, missed motions, and there he is sitting at his desk again with mop water on his head and his notes ruined again and everyone's _laughing_ -

Jun grips his hand, tugs it away from his sleeve, and it's only then that Jaewon realizes he was gripping his wrist tight enough to bruise.

Jun stares at him for a moment, dark eyes sharp and judging, and he thumbs towards the alley exterior, a quick command to _"go home already"_ slipping off his lips.

Jaewon, afraid of what he'll do if he stays, goes.

* * *

Someone's beating up Jun in the alley.

Jaewon stands at the opening, the coffee and bag in his hand all-but forgotten as he watches his friend (best friend? can he call him that?) curl in on himself to protect his torso from the blows, and _something_ he tried to suppress rises up in him, hot and bright and fire-burst _furious_.

He chucks the coffee to the side and tackles one of the men (there are three now, there were three back then, he can take three) to the ground, landing punch after punch on the man's face even as hands scrabble at his arms, and _Wyld_ is burning red-hot in his chest, visceral _fury_ coming out in the way he delights in the blood splattering over his hands, and he can hear footsteps (they're running, cowards always run) before a pair of hands grasp his shoulders and rip him back. 

He lands in a heap on the water-soaked pavement, and Jun leans against the wall, chest heaving and one tattooed hand gripping the brick for dear life.

For one long moment, there's nothing to say.

"Oh, god," Jaewon breathes, breath speeding up as he stares down at his blood-soaked hands, because he did it again, he did it again and now he'll get arrested or ruin MAYHEM's career or thrown out of HCE in a cruel mockery of his last expulsion-

but Jun just grabs his hands and hauls him to his feet.

Leads him back to Coffee Temple and brings him into the back room, and Jaewon just stands there, mute, as Jun scrubs the blood off his hands with a cheap sponge, the rough edges leaving his normally pale skin a deep red.

Or maybe that's the blood. Who's to tell.

"Nice to know you care," Jun mutters, though it's not low due to anger as much as it is concentration. His shirt's lying across the room, some stain-stick applied to the deep red splotches, and Jaewon dips his head as his eyes burn, unwilling to let Jun see him cry.

Jun's seen him cry before, yes, but this is _different_.

(Jun's seen a human cry, but he's nothing more than a monster.)

"Thanks," Jun adds, and Jaewon raises his head, mouth falling open at the one word. 

_Thanks_?

"I just- I just beat him up-"

"To save me," Jun cuts in, passing Jaewon's hands under the faucet. "So thanks."

There's a sprawling flower over his heart, Jaewon notes - one with vines rendered in painstaking detail. It's an odd thing to notice, but one he's intrigued by nonetheless.

"We should call an ambulance-"

"Let him find one himself," Jun dismisses, dropping the soapy sponge back into the sink. "He deserved it."

In truth, Jaewon can't fully understand him.

Jun _accepts_ his anger instead of shunning it, holds it close and nurtures it instead of burying it under layers of kindness, and he _does not understand how_.

How does Jun do this and still have Jaewon care?

"You're too hard on yourself," Jun states, running a hand through his hair. "You did a good thing."

If it's good, then why doesn't Jaewon feel like it is?

"You're beating yourself up," Jun notes, withdrawing a mug from the counter. "My shift technically starts in thirty minutes. Do you want to watch something until then?"

Jaewon _should_ say no. He _should_ run home and call his mom or get groceries for the others or curl up under the shower and let scalding water pound his skin in a pathetic attempt at flagellation. 

But instead he accepts, and Jun gestures for him to sit down, withdrawing a beaten-up phone from his pocket and opening YouTube. 

It may not be what he wants, but at least he's not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> for cat!! happy day of birth :D
> 
> the jaewon beating the shit out of some bullies idea was a collaboration between me and iamliterallyahotpocket btw
> 
> fic title from sea by bts
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


End file.
